How to Sit at a Desk All Day (Assuming You Haven’t Already Quit Your Job to Start an Organic Farm in Boulder Canyon)

Nothing says

Nothing says “I’m a professional” like good posture (and a grainy photo of your computer).

Dear readers (aka mom, dad and Steve) apologies for the hiatus. I wish I could say I’ve been SO BUSY researching Myers cocktails, skin brushing and mercury toxicity that I’ve had no time to blog. But the truth is I’ve been working a lot. At a desk. On a laptop. DOING MY GODDAMN BEST to obey my chiropractor’s alignment orders even though/ especially because I’m lazy and have naturally shitty posture (technically called Scoliosis) and short limbs that Herman Miller never accounted for. Hence…

How to sit at a desk all day, according to Dr. Rothman*

1. Your eyes should be level with the bottom third of your computer screen. If you work on a laptop, prop it up. If you work on a desktop, why are you living in 2001?

2. Your elbows should be bent at a right angle, which means you’ll need to use a mouse and a keyboard. If your company doesn’t provide, buy your own.

3. Keep your back straight and your shoulders back.

4. Get up every 15 minutes to stretch your legs and to keep the blood flowing and to roll your shoulders back a few times. If you’re a seasoned crop-duster, you’re already ahead of the game (however, you should probably read this post).

5. Get a new job. Humans weren’t meant to sit at a fucking desk all day** (okay, this last one is easy for him to say, because he’s not a SUPER IMPORTANT copywriter saving lives on the regs with her rapey wit. Rapist’s wit? Rappers Delight? Whatever).

*Full disclosure: D. Roth has a penchant for track suits, often makes inappropriate comments that involve the phrase “extra knotty” and one time gave me a mouth massage that may or may not have been chiropractically necessary. Just saying.

**Sitting is the new smoking