I Paid $45 for 45 Minutes in an Infrared Sauna

This is what it looks like before 18 buckets of toxin-packed sweat.

This is what it looks like before 18 buckets of toxin-packed sweat.

For some, Saturday morning is a time to sleep in. Or exercise. Or suffer an alcohol-induced anxiety attack based on a series of weird/ sexually ambiguous texts from the night before. Or, for just $45 and an open mind, it can be a great time to skip on down to your neighborhood colonic hut, take off all your clothes, and fester uncomfortably in a 136-degree cube for 45 minutes. I know this because I spent last Saturday morning inside a Far-Infrared Sauna at Gentle Wellness Center in Santa Monica. According to the clean-coloned toxin-haters over there: “Far-Infrared (FIR) Sauna Energy is a safe, radiant heat source that boosts the body’s natural healing by cleansing on a cellular level. It has the same benefits as the sun rays without any of the damage. FIR eases tension, stiffness, pain and safely can help burn up to 700 calories, without moving a muscle.” Mmmmmmmm. Sounds great. But all that detoxification comes at a price. So I paid. And I sweat. And I did feel nice. And I tried really hard to feel my cells cleansing and my body healing. But, as my high school field hockey coach once told me, I seem to “lack a certain awareness” when it comes to “my body”. This comment still bums me out because a) I really wish I had been better at sports and b) I really want to be the kind of person who can justify getting a weekly magic shvitz. And weekly is what the colon pros recommend. Woof. You can read more about FIR saunas here.

Worth $45? For me, yes. For you, who knows. Will I do it weekly? Not until I’m rich enough to install my own FIR Sauna in my basement*

*And also rich enough to have a basement

Even hippies get greedy sometimes.

Do not fucking tamper MIT DAS SUANA!!!!!