WOO or EW: Reiki Healing at Slope Wellness in Park Slope, Brooklyn

Happy birthday to me!

Happy birthday to me!

I don’t need a special occasion to treat myself to what my mother would call crazy hippie witchcraft, so you can imagine what an easy sell I am when it IS a special occasion. This week I turned baby-making years old in the baby-making capital of the universe: Park Slope, Brooklyn. A constant barrage of Bjorns served as a healthy reminder that I only have so much time left before I have to start spending my disposable income on boring shit like cloth diapers and BPA-free teething rings. Which is why my empty womb and I headed over to Slope Wellness to treat ourselves to a specific type of hippie witchcraft known as Reiki energy healing. This is an ancient Japanese stress-reduction technique where the healer (in my case, a dude named Rick) uses his hands to rebalance the patient’s energy centers, or as they’re known in the Reiki biz, chakras. I tried really hard to find a chakra chart on the internet that looks quasi-legit, but it seems none exist—so I’m just gonna link to this one. According to Rick, our chakras can get out of wack due to stress, illness, diet, and pretty much everything else, so it’s a good idea to have them rebalanced from time to time. OBVIOUSLY. I want to pretend like I was skeptical, but I honestly love this shit so I was ready to go. I laid down on a massage table (fully clothed!) and Rick used a crystal pendulum-type-thing to measure how “open” each of my 7 major chakras were. Then for the next hour or so, he put his hands over each of these chakra points (NOT in like, a 70s sex-culty kind of way!) and made them all the right amount of open. When he was finished I felt relaxed and refreshed, ready to take happy hour by storm. Rick suggested I follow up with an epsom salt bath at home to “draw” more toxins out of my body but I opted instead for Sauvignon Blanc and gossip. I mean, it was my birthday and that’s what my womb wanted to do.

Verdict: WOO. I really enjoyed the experience, and I may even do it again. However, I feel like it was a little pricey even with the b-day discount, so I don’t think I could in good conscience recommend this to someone who is in any way skeptical. And let’s be honest, this is basically the reason the word skeptical was invented.

Basements are a great place to try something for the first time.

Basements are a great place to try something for the first time.