I Paid $10 For: A Shamanic Journey

Cheaper than my therapist AND you can booze during the session!

Cheaper than my therapist AND you can booze during the session!

On our third night in Puna we went to grab a drink at the bar down the road only to find a 200-person locals-only lava fest in full swing. Within six seconds I had wolfed a pound of poke AND locked eyes with a shoeless wanderer sitting behind a stack of tarot cards. Instinctively I knew that a) whatever the price, I was going to pay this gentle soul to tell me nice, vague, empowering things about my future and b) that Andy was already rolling his eyes and looking for a bathroom.

I pulled five cards from the deck of dreams and Roman (French accent) laid it all out for me:

First card: Princess of discs. I’m a creative person with ideas and shit.

Second card: Knight of swords. I have male and female energy. These need to be more Christo/ Jeanne-laude, less Britney/ K-Fed.

Third card: Cruelty. I can sometimes be a dick to myself and I need to not do this. So don’t blow it for me, self.

Fourth card: Change. Being spontaneous is good. Do this more. Especially if you’re Zach Braff.

Final card: The Priestess. If I listen to my inner truth, I will achieve my full potential, which is FINALLY FINISHING THE LAST 6 EPISODES OF BREAKING BAD WHICH I WANT TO DO BUT CAN’T BECAUSE THEY GIVE ME BEDTIME ANXIETY!!!!! JK. My inner potential is becoming a badass bitch, which by definition, encompasses the Breaking Bad thing.

Roman went into a lot more detail, but that was the gist. And now I am empowered.

Worth $10? Fuck yeah. I love talking about myself. Especially with shamans.

Jealous? You can embark upon your own free shamanic journey right from your couch/ desk/ meditation studio.